with Relationship Speaker/Author/Coach...
Larry James
Jokes, Funny Stories,
One-Liners and more!
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• • •
To begin, here is a link to a few urban legends about weddings. Go to:
http://www.snopes.com/weddings/weddings.asp.
• • •
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer:
"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part
where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her
forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the minister a
$100 bill and walked away satisfied.
It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of
the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom's vows, the
pastor looks the young man in the eye and says:
"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish,
serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God
and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you
both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes," then leaned toward
the pastor and hissed: "I thought we had a deal."
The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer."
• • •
Question: How can you tell if your husband is dead?
Answer: The sex is the same, but you get the remote.
• • •
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was
a fool when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes, dear,
but I was in love and didn't notice it."
• • •
Husband to wife: "Why do you keep reading our marriage licence?"
Wife to Husband: "I'm looking for a loophole."
• • •
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
• • •
Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
• • •
A message you will never find on a Hallmark card:
"Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your wife."
• • •
While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe,
four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses,
and weather to how things used to be in the "good old days".
Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman
turned to the fellow on his right and asked, "Roy, aren't you and your
bride celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary soon?"
"Yup, we sure are," Roy replied.
"Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?" another man asked.
The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, "For our
25th anniversary, I took the missus to Tucson. For our 50th, I'm
thinking about going down there again and picking her up."
• • •
FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete 2001 set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45
volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed.
Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
• • •
The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.
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