Celebrate Intimate Weddings

with Relationship Speaker/Author/Coach...
Larry James

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E-mail:  WeddingHumor@CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

The other day, my wife and I got into some petty argument. (I say it was petty. She would say it was Armageddon). As is our nature, neither of us would admit the possibility that we might be in error.

To her credit, she finally said, "Look, I'll tell you what. I'll admit I'm wrong if you admit I was right."

"Fine," I said.

She took a deep breath, looked me in the eye and said, "I'm wrong."

I grinned and replied, "You're right."

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

Kurt was going out with a nice girl and finally popped the question.
"Will you marry me, darling?" he asked.
Lisa smiled coyly and said, "Yes, if you'll buy me a mink."
Kurt thought for a moment and then replied, "Okay, it's a deal, but on one condition."
"What's that?" Lisa asked.
"You'll have to clean the cage," Kurt replied.

Effective the first of the year for ALL states. The National Highway Safety Council has done extensive testing on a newly designed seat belt. Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 45% when the belt is properly installed.

Fact NOT fiction. . . and no joke: It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

Nine Words Women Use

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.<

2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine."

4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5. Loud Sigh: This is actually not a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of "nothing.")

6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question or faint. Just say, "You're welcome." (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says "Thanks a lot" - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say, "You're welcome." that will bring on a "whatever").

8. Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying *%#& YOU!

9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" (For the woman's response refer to #3).

I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In other words, I want to get married. - Jarod Kintz

A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. - Paul Sweeney

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