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with Relationship Speaker/Author/Coach...
Larry James
More. . .
Jokes, Funny Stories,
One-Liners!
Send us your wedding humor by e-mail and if we use it on this site we will send you a surprise by
snail-mail. Be sure to include your full address.
E-mail:
WeddingHumor@CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com
• • •
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of
Johnstown got up early and went to the local church.
Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews
and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling
each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon everyone was evacuated from the Church, except for one elderly
gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving . . . seemingly oblivious
to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
This confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years!"
• • •
Married men should forget their mistakes - there's no point in two people remembering the same thing.
• • •
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
• • •
A couple is riding in the back of a limo on the way to their honeymoon boat cruise. The husband says,
"Honey, I want to stop and pick up some condoms before we go." "Good idea," she says. "While you're in
there, pick me up some Dramamine."
The groom gets out, walks into the drugstore and says to the clerk, "I'd like a box of condoms and a package of Dramamine, please."
"Yes sir, says the clerk, "but do you mind if I ask you a question? If it makes you nauseous, why do you do it?"
• • •
Once when Mark Twain was lecturing in Utah, a Mormon acquaintance argued with him on the subject of polygamy.
After a long and rather heated debate, the Mormon finally said, "Can you find for me a single passage of
Scripture which forbids polygamy?"
"Certainly," replied Twain. "'No man can serve two masters.'"
• • •
"We had our first disagreement. I want a big wedding with all the trimmings, and he doesn't want to get married!"
• • •
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a
stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob
addresses the man behind the counter:
"Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers "Yes."
"We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
"Of course we do."
"How about medicine for circulation?"
"All kinds."
"Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis?"
"Definitely."
"How about Viagra?"
"Of course."
"Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, Jaundice?"
"Yes, a large variety. The works."
"What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"
"Absolutely."
"You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"
"All speeds and sizes."
Jacob says to the pharmacist: "We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts, please."
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