Celebrate Intimate Weddings

with Relationship Speaker/Author/Coach...
Larry James

Mission Possible - Keep the faith. When you decide to recommit to your relationship, you open your relationship to infinite possibilities. Harbor high hopes. Anything is possible when you really believe it and take the appropriate action to achieve it.

Back to the Future - Remember the good times. To stay motivated during the tough times, take some time to go back in your memory to when you were first together. What was it that first attracted you to your partner? Take a moment and look to see those qualities now. Banish negative thoughts about them. Take care to notice the things you admire about your partner, no matter how small and next, tell them. The more you focus on the good, the more good you will see.

No Excuses! - If you truly have a desire to have your relationship work, you cannot allow yourself to offer excuses. No excuses! There are only results or reasons why. The reasons why are the excuses we come up with to avoid taking responsibility for our relationship and to avoid doing something we may be afraid to do and know must be done.

Holy! Holy! Holy! - You must never forget the importance of the spiritual side of your relationship. Marriage is sacred. So are the vows you make. Making a relationship work should not be totally dependent upon what you or your partner do or do not do. God, a Higher Power - or whatever you choose to call what you believe in - can only inspire you to make the right choices. He alone cannot do it for you. You and your partner must do the work.

Listen for God's soft whisper. He speaks to you in the stillness of daybreak and in the midst of conflict. Are you listening? I highly recommend the following list of priorities: God, you, your relationship and your work - in that order!

Give Up Whine - In relationships there is no fine whine. Get a grip. Whining does not work. Neither does dissing, ranting and raving. Especially if it always about the same old thing. The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets. Do you want to get closer to the one you love? Practice the "three Cs." Don't criticize, condemn or complain. Constantly complaining is a form of whining. It is also often called "nagging." Quiet, please. Instead, catch your partner doing something right and shower them with praise and adoration.

Stay With It - Work the program. Make it a lifetime commitment. Never stop. We often get so wrapped up in our everyday experiences that we forget that our relationship comes first. It does, you know. Make it a habit to work together on your relationship. When you become discouraged, seek out someone in your support system, perhaps a friend whom you know will be your encourager. To paraphrase Vincent Van Gogh, "When you hear a voice within you saying, 'You're not going to make it,' than by all means continue making better choices and that voice will be silenced."

Stick with it and your partner will stick with you. Positive repetition builds your relationship reputation. Become known to your partner as someone who is consistent with their best efforts; someone with commitment, perseverance and dedication to serving the relationship.

Preventative Maintenance - Don't allow your relationship to crash and burn. Perhaps there should be "black boxes" in relationships. That way when a major relationship crash occurs you would be able to analyze more correctly what caused the problem. Forensic experts know that in analyzing black boxes, any deviation in any sequence of events would have prevented the crash. That's good to know.

Adjustments in your own position about your relationship can and will make a BIG difference. Giving up being "right" about YOUR position is a great first step. You'll be amazed! Make this commitment and it will transform the "rumbles" in your relationship to "ripples" almost immediately! Ask yourself, "Would I rather be right or happy?"

Relationships are something that must be worked on all the time, not only when they are broken and need to be fixed.

Agree as partners to keep your relationship in a constant state of repair by continually working on it. This is a good way to prevent future issues from occurring. Sustain your relationship by periodic visits to those best in a position to help you. Got a relationship problem you cannot solve? Relationship coaching is a wise choice.

My friend, Dr. Michael LeBoeuf, says "A mistake only proves someone stopped talking long enough to do something." People in relationships make mistakes. The key is to learn from your mistakes and push forward. Never stay hooked to the past. The past is an energy drain. Focus on what you want, not on what you don't want. Practice constructive doing. You make fewer mistakes that way.

The miracle of error is the access to opportunity it presents. Problems validate what you are committed to. They get in the way of your commitments, therefore they validate what you are committed to. If this were not true, we couldn't call them problems. Accept responsibility for your problems. If you don't, you are the problem.

It is infinitely wiser to experience relationship problems as those situations which lure you on to self-discovery than to be stopped by the unpleasantness of the circumstances and be shut down to the possibilities the problem presents.

There are no accidents. Relationship problems occur for a reason. It is sometimes difficult to find the good in what appears to be all bad. There are important lessons to be learned in every circumstance. Problems by design are repetitive. They come back if you don't learn from them and do something to prevent their reoccurrence.

Be a Smarty Pants - Yearn to learn. Learn more about having healthy and successful relationships by visiting quality relationship sites on the Internet. Develop a need to read. Join a book club and purchase relationship books. Subscribe to relationship eZINEs. Attend relationship seminars. Get relationship coaching. You can never know too much about relationships.

Exercise Empathy - Do your best to see your partner's point of view. This assists especially when you are both in major disagreement. Give up what you want and focus on what you both "need" to make the progress that will benefit both of you.

Count Your Blessings! - Look for the basic goodness in your mate. What do you like best about them? Make a list of all the reasons you are together. It will help you to stay fixed on the positive and focused on what matters the most in your relationship. Believe that the difficulties in relationships are challenges that can be understood, and once understood and worked on "together," they eventually go away. Trust in the goodness of your partner. What you think about and speak about, you bring about.

Leave Work at Work - Dave Barry once said, "You should not confuse your career with your life." I agree and would add, "or your relationship!" Your relationship must come first, then your career.

Hmmmm! What About Housework? - Guys! This one is for you. Nowhere is it written that your sweetheart should be responsible for all the housework. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes, taking out the trash or running the vaccum sweeper! Think about it!

Recovery from a relationship slump is not only about reconnection. It's about collaboration. My friend, Ian Percy, CSP, has written a wonderful article called, " The Joy of Collaboration."

Make some new promises! Make a promise to your partner to use this list of "Slump Busters" to assist in the growth of your relationship. A commitment to do so is a healthy step in the right direction. A healthy love relationship is the reward.

You can do the work of relationships by design or default. The choice is up to you!

What can you expect if you begin to do the work of a healthy love relationship? Miracles in your relationship, that's what! The reward for better choices is a love that grows. . . and grows. . . and grows!

Back	Slump Busters - Part I

Copyright © - Larry James. Adapted from the books, "How to Really Love the One You're With" and "LoveNotes for Lovers."

•  If you would like to talk one-on-one with Larry James about relationship issues related to this article, you are invited to arrange for a private coaching session by telephone. Go to Personal Relationship Coaching for specific details.

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